Title>Still Waters Run Deep: December 2005

Saturday, December 31, 2005

It’s New Year’s Eve! I always really like this day because it means that another year has gone by and a new and exciting one is about to begin. I like to think of myself as an optimist and live in hope that things will always be better in the future. I know that we are meant to be in control of our own destiny but I think I believe in fate too. Sometimes people are just dealt shitty hands in life because of bad luck. Lots of times people do things they regret, and have to live with dire consequences for the rest of their lives.
Who knows, maybe this year I’ll meet someone new or at least make some new friends. Feel free to contact me if you are looking for an email buddy. I am not looking for an internet romance or anything, just someone to chat with every now and again.

I keep thinking about getting a job but then something stops me, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve become so used to my own company that I’m a little scared to go back out into the competitive employment market. I don’t think I lack confidence too much but at my age it’s a bit difficult to go out and compete with all the 20 and 30 somethings with years of higher education and degrees in computing science.

I guess I’m lucky that I don’t really need to work at the moment, I know that a lot of people would love to be in my position and be able to work from their homes, if and when they want to, but it can make me feel a bit isolated too. Plus, if I did get a real job I don’t know what kind of job I would get; it would have to be something active or outdoorsy, I couldn’t stand being stuck in an office or anything like that.

Maybe something in the tourist industry would be good, I could help out at one of the kayaking schools or be a tour guide on the fishing or whale watching boats. I just love the ocean so something like that would be perfect for me.

That being said, you may notice, that getting a job is not on my list of New Years resolutions for that reason; I don’t like to set myself up to fail.

So…..here’s the long awaited list of New Year’s resolutions for 2006.

Make at least one new friend this year.
Run at least 30-50 kilometers a week Or XC ski 60 km.
Learn a new skill (I’m thinking I might learn a foreign language or teach myself to cook a bit better – there’s not much use for gourmet cooking when you’re on your own but I have to plan for the future)
Get a new hobby (different to learning a new skill). I do love the ocean and often lake canoe but I realize lately that I would love to spend more time on the water so I might start kayaking again. There are lots of schools and clubs around here so it would be pretty easy to join one some time. Or I could go alone…time to dust off the boat!
Think about financial investment (boring but necessary). Maybe invest in some real estate in an island to the north of here. I’m going to talk to a financial advisor I think. I’m not very good with making big decisions, I need advise.
No alcohol (this one is on the list every year and always gets broken), or at least cut back when I do drink.
Meet some people of the opposite sex for friendship or otherwise. I know that this one sound a bit desperate but I am allowed to have some fun in my life!
Travel somewhere, maybe to the north. I have a fascination with Alaska despite never having been there.
Become more proficient in using the internet. This might help me with getting a job if I decide to do that, plus there’s so much on the internet that can enrich life that I want to explore as much as I can and hopefully get to know some people too.
Try to encourage others to be less cynical and suspicious of everyone, and to be less judgmental of those caught up in circumstance.

So that’s my list. I know that some of them sound a bit obscure but they all mean something to me.
Ok well it’s almost midnight in New York so I’m gonna watch the ball drop and go to bed, there’s no point in staying up until midnight here. I was gonna have a small glass of Bailey’s to celebrate the New Year but I guess I should give my resolutions a chance first.


Monday, December 26, 2005

Well it took 24 hours to get over my hangover. I can’t decide if it’s my age or if it’s just because I don’t drink very often that my hangovers seem to get worse every time. I always vow that I won’t drink ever again but then as time goes on I forget how bad the hangovers are and I convince myself that I’ll be fine this time. One day I’ll learn my lesson and give it up for good. Yeah right, til next time!!

So after spending most of Christmas day with my head stuck in the toilet bowl, I decided that, despite the rain, I needed an extra long run to clear out the cobwebs and get myself feeling better again. I did 16 km, and it turned out to be just what I needed. It was really mild but not cold and almost eerily quiet, there was just no-one around and it was kinda misty and dark. I love being out when it’s like that, it feels like I’m the only person in the whole world.

Anyway, I feel a lot better today and I’m glad that Christmas is mostly over. I didn’t hear from anyone in my family, I don’t know why I still think that one day, someone will contact me. They never do though. It still hurts that my family can be so judgmental and decide to sever all ties with me just because they don’t approve of the person I fell in love with. I know it’s not just me and that lot’s of people have to make difficult choices when it comes to relationships but it makes me so angry and so hurt at the same time. I think we’re beyond reconciliation now but I still hope that one day, my Mom or my sister will call me. I would love to be a real aunty to my nephew, but my sister thinks I make poor lifestyle choices and doesn’t want her son to have anything to do with me.

Anyway, that’s enough self-pity for now; I’ve decided to start putting together a list of New Year’s resolutions. I always break most of them but I try and keep just one if I can. I’m gonna give it some thought and then I’ll post my final list on here in the next few days.

It would be great if other people would add their list of resolutions to my blog too so I can see what people are planning for 2006.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Christmas!

Well so far no one has posted any comments on my page but I guess it’s a little early for that. I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog in the last couple of days and what I really want to use it for or what I want it to be about. It’s funny how keeping a type of diary makes you reflective and I think Christmas can do that too.

I’ve realized that because I don’t have any family around me and actually I have to admit that I have very few friends too, that the internet and this blog are really my only connection with “the outside world”. I’m not really a loner, or wasn’t always, you could say circumstances had forced me to live this way initially and now it’s just a habit that’s hard to break. I like my life. This is sort of like having someone to witness it, without really having someone at all!

Anyway, on a more positive note, it’s Christmas Eve so I’m treating myself to a glass of wine (or two) and watching trashy TV in my PJ’s. I don’t drink very often because I try to live a healthy lifestyle but as its Christmas I’m making an exception. I wonder if I’ll get any presents from Santa this year, unlikely but it’s nice to hope.

Anyway, I’m getting slightly the worse for wear and don’t want to sound miserable so I’m gonna sign off for tonight. Merry Christmas everyone!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wow I now have a blog!! This is cool! I spend a fair amount of time on the internet anyway, so I figured it was time I created my own page as everyone else seems to be doing it.

I guess I should introduce myself; I’m female, 41, slim, with shoulder length blonde hair. I must say, I look pretty darn good for my age. I keep fit by running, skiing or cycling every day; there are some great trails around my area so I have no excuse for not getting out there and taking advantage of this beautiful town. I don’t even mind the rain.

I’m single, have been for a while. It suits me at the moment as I am not quite ready for any more emotional roller coasters, although that’s not to say that I want to stay single forever, I’m just not sure that now is the right time for me, plus, there’s nowhere to meet people around here so I’ll probably be on my own forever anyway.

I like reading and listening to music; I love all kinds of music but I guess I’m a country girl at heart. Music makes me happy and I listen to it constantly. I’m also a movie buff. Regular TV bores me but I like to keep up with the news and some of the documentaries and I hate reality TV!

I have no kids, but 2 dogs and 3 cats to keep me company. My dogs are great. Coco is my male, a brown lab and Lacy is my female, a black lab. They are great company, but not so brave when it comes to protecting me!

Well, since that’s it about me. It’s so cool to think that this is really a piece of history that I’ve created. Maybe one day when I’m dead and gone people will look back on my blog and think “she sounds like a nice person”. Who knows?

Most other blogs I’ve seen talk about current events so……what’s in the news today? Feel free to keep me informed, my cable is down lots with the weather around here!

Well, its the run up to the federal election and things are getting a little heated with Stephen Harper and Paul Martin mud-slinging about Quebec separatism. January 23rd next year will be Election Day; it’s also the day that’s apparently been proven to be the most depressing day of the year according to a recent article on CBC. I think Christmas is a pretty depressing time of the year anyway, those of us who are alone feel REALLY alone at Christmas but, oh well, I’ll survive.

Well, I think that’s pretty good for my first blog entry. I hope someone reads this.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

This is a test posting