Title>Still Waters Run Deep: May 2006

Monday, May 29, 2006

Well I may have done a really stupid thing, I’ve arranged to meet a guy in person that I met in a chat room and I’m not sure now whether it’s a good idea or not. I’ve been chatting to him for a few weeks now and he sounds really nice. He of course doesn’t know about my blog so I’m pretty safe to talk about him here.

He’s 52 years old and he’s from Saskatchewan but he travels to BC regularly on business. He works in the construction industry and he’s divorced and he has grown up kids. Anyway, we met through an adult friend finder chat room and then we started emailing. He’s next in BC on business next week (June 10th) and I’ve arranged to meet him in Prince George for the weekend; I’m so nervous. I’m wondering if I’ve made a big mistake!! On the other hand, it may also be a great time and he might be a great guy and we might get along really well.

I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long that I really don’t know how it works anymore. I have no idea what to wear or what to talk about. We are staying in a hotel and I’ve left it up to him to make the arrangements but what if he books us in a room together? What are the rules about sex and will he think that that’s what I’m meeting him for? This could just be a big mistake but then again, if I cancel it, I may have missed a great opportunity. He sent me a photograph of himself and he looks so nice too, he has really short dark hair and piercing blue eyes which is just my type, he’s also really funny too and makes me laugh, which I think is really important.

I can’t decide what to do, I feel kinda sick but also kind of excited as well. He says his wife left him for another man about 6 years ago and he had dated from time to time since but he doesn’t want any big commitment, which suits me too. I really need to make a decision about this soon so I can let him know if I’m not going to meet him after all. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Opinions?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Well another Canadian soldier was killed in Afghanistan today. Senseless. Captain Nichola Goddard is the first Canadian female soldier to be killed in Afghanistan and I think it’s such a shame that we have to be over there fighting someone else’s war and getting our troops killed, really for no reason. I feel sorry for her family who must be devastated, although in some ways, it was her choice to be in that situation and I guess she must have known that being a soldier is pretty risky work. It’s a shame that it was right after Mother’s Day too, that must make it even worse for her Mom. I thought about my Mom on Mother’s Day but sometimes it just makes me angry and bitter so I tried not to think about her too much before I got upset.

I do think that if you are going to do a dangerous job you have to be prepared to accept the consequences, we all make choices in life that sometimes have bad consequences but I think it’s how you deal with things that go wrong that determines how successful you are. Take me for example, I chose to live this way, more so in the past so that we could have some peace and quiet away from prying eyes and judgmental people. I choose to continue this lifestyle because I know what people would say about Bob and I can’t bear to hear those things about him.

I’ve been in touch with a couple of women who have also fallen in love with convicted men. One woman is married to a man on death row and another woman married a serial killer while he was in jail. I don’t think I would like to be in either of those women’s shoes but I really think that you can’t always control when you fall in love or who with and you just do the best that you can to be supportive and strong and non-judgmental. I don’t think anyone is truly evil and most people have a story to tell about how they made the mistake that landed them in jail but I do think that everyone deserves to be loved.

I’m lucky in that I enjoy my own company and tend to fill my days pottering around the house and garden and going running. I seem to spend more and more time on the internet these days too but there are so many cool sites out there and I’m starting to chat with a couple of people regularly. I just love getting emails from people who have read my blog, I have even had a couple of emails from one guy who seems really nice (you know who you are :-) so we’ll see. He’s in Nebraska though so it’s unlikely that anything will happen but you never know.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Oh my God, it sounds like Richard McNair, that guy who escaped from prison 3 times in the States is actually in Canada, and in BC. I read a news report today that said he was seen by police in Penticton but he managed to escape again. LOL, likely told him he was out jogging again! I looked him up a little on the net. He’s an ex military cop. Now there is a guy who makes informed decisions. I can’t imagine the corruption he must have had to deal with in that job! I must admit, I feel a little excited by this news and also by the fact that there is a new photograph of him on the news page. Not only does he have the body but he is damn good looking as well! I really hope he stays in Canada for a while, there’s so much rough territory here and I’m sure with his background he’d be able to hide in the mountains or forest for quite a long time. I just finished reading "Into the Wild”. It was a great book. It’s about a guy who gives up absolutely everything, and consciously decides to live off the land in Alaska! Wow what an amazing story of survival. He would likely still be alive today had he not eaten poisoned potatoes!

It’s strange but for some reason I admire Richard McNair for his courage, his wits and his persistence. In the real world, I could find myself strangely attracted to him. I must be losing my mind! Searching out info on this guy on the net! He’s likely in Mexico by now anyway! I’m sure that other people are feeling intimidated or worried about him being around, but I’ve been in a relationship with a guy who by circumstance could have done way worse than anything Richard McNair did and yet he was the most loving, perfect man imaginable. I have no worries his being around, he will likely just lie low and start a new life as a regular guy. He’ll be the new local catch somewhere!

I expect I’ll get lots of emails now from people telling me I’m insane but I don’t care too much about that, unless you have been in the situation that I was in, you can’t understand what it’s like to love someone who’s both vulnerable and yet incredibly strong and determined at the same time – a very sexy combination! Hey these are my thoughts and if you don’t like them, don’t read them!