Title>Still Waters Run Deep: June 2006

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

So I finally got my act together and went on an overnight paddle. I was actually gone for almost a week! I got a little wet, but not too bad. I was so inspired by my last trip that I went down the coast to this place called Robson Byte, off Port Mac Neil, and paddled with the Orca killer whales! It was so cool. Very liberating! I’ve never really explored BC that much, and I thought it would be really nice to just go, and join a tour or not and visit some of the beautiful places in this province that I hear so much about. I just put my boat on my car, hopped on the ferry and off I went. I met some people from the states, two couples from New Orleans. They told me all about the floods. They were so nice, I ended paddling with them for several hours the first day, but did my camping alone. They were great company, but I did not want to risk being judged by them. I did not want to change my opinions of them so I thought I would make sure it ended on a good note.

Next trip I might go even further away and head up north toward the Yukon or take a cruise around Alaska, I dunno yet but I don’t want to waste my life sitting around waiting for something to happen. If it’s not kayaking I can take the animals with me. I read so many blogs and web sites and people are really out there living life and I think I should try and do the same. This last time I left the animals enough food and have a doggie door so they all come and go as they please anyways. I must admit I did miss them, but I think they know I need to get away more often than I have been. I was a little freaked on the ferry after the recent incident of one sinking, but I managed and obviously they are being extra careful now!

The weather is really picking up now too and I was getting a little tired of being stuck around the house all the time. Before kayaking, the only time I got out was for my daily run. I could have taken up gardening or something like that I guess which would get me outside a bit more but I could still keep my privacy, which I value immensely. I did not tell my fellow kayakers about my past relationships as I did not want to be judged, but desperately wanted the company going down the narrows as all my research said that it can get a bit tricky with all the currents and tides and of course the wind. I saw a few cruise ships at night. It was so amazing out there. I love the camp fire.

Oh, and thanks to the people who emailed me with good sites for downloading mp3’s, I managed to get some really good music which is great for when I’m running, I am so exhilarated lately, I never want to come back home now.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Well the weekend was a disaster. Well not entirely, but it ended up that way. It was going really well at first and I really began to think that this guy could be special. He was fairly good looking, although his eyes were not as piercing or intriguing as they first appeared. He had a reasonable body but a bit on the pudgy side, his hair was grayer than it was in the photograph too but all in all he looked pretty good for his age. We met up on Friday evening and had dinner then we went to the hotel where we had some drinks in the bar and we chatted about our lives in general. He was pretty easy to get along with, very charming and polite, very respectful and interested in me and my life.

I had too much to drink and we went to his hotel room where we ended up sleeping together!! It was nice but a little strange after so long. I stayed in there the whole night and we woke up late in the morning and ordered room service then just hung out for a while.

A bit later on we went for a long walk and had a late lunch in a small café and then went to the art gallery which was really nice, but I was feeling a bit foolish for giving in to him that soon after meeting him. None the less, there was a wonderful exhibition by Craig Sibley who is a sculptor and although I’m not a huge fan of his, it was nice to go to the gallery, which is beautiful, and take a look around.

Later we went for a really nice dinner and I decided that I liked this guy enough to open up about my past and about my history with Bob. I could tell that he was trying to be understanding and he really wanted to put a positive spin on things but I soon realized that he completely disapproved of my relationship. He was shocked that I could move away from my family and lose contact with them. It was pretty uncomfortable for a while but we changed the subject and then it was ok. But I knew at that point that I wouldn’t see him again.

Then I did something terrible, I slept with him again anyway. Partly because he was good (enough) in bed, and partly because I’ve been alone for so long and probably will be for a long time. Men do it all the time, why not me. I have to have sex when I can get it. I know that’s a terrible thing to think but I guess it was the same for him, we kinda used each other, knowing we weren’t going to see each other again. No harm done.

I left for home first thing on Sunday morning and we decided that we would be just friends. I’ll be surprised if I hear from him again actually because I could see on Saturday night that he had lost respect for me when I told him about Bob. Honestly though, I don’t really want to be friends with him under those circumstances.

Oh well, I took a chance and I didn’t get hurt because I didn’t have any expectations. The good thing was it did make me realize that I am ready for a new relationship of some kind. I want to take care of someone, and have someone take care of me! I want to feel needed and loved again! Maybe it will happen for me, I don’t know.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Well I leave for Prince George tomorrow afternoon so I’m going to spend today getting ready. I already had my hair done, had a manicure/pedicure and got all the areas waxed that needed waxing! Now all I have to do is choose what to wear and what to take with me. I’ve decided to stick with the kind of clothes that Bob liked as he had good taste. I will go on the assumption that this guy will also be a ‘typical male’ that likes a slight show of cleavage and leg, but nothing too slutty. Although I have nice breasts, I think my legs are my best asset!

I’m feeling quite confident and relaxed about my date weekend now although I’m sure that will change tomorrow.

I was reading the local news today and there was an article stating that the guy who escaped from prison in the States, Richard McNair is now in Alberta around Kananaskis area. Weird, but I feel a bit disappointed that he isn’t in BC anymore.

It looks like he’s still keeping the cops on their toes though. I say “good luck” to him, he’s been locked up for so long he’s probably enjoying his summer on the outside. It would probably be quite easy for an ex military type like him to stay hidden in the summer but I bet it’s more difficult in the winter because there’ll be less food around and less cover. Plus Canada gets pretty cold in the winter so he’ll probably give himself up then. Hopefully the rain out here doesn’t drive him nuts. It can get to you if you aren’t used to it. I find myself really hoping that he manages to make it by himself on the outside although I read that he is one of America’s Most Wanted now so they probably won’t let it rest until they find him.

With all the problems in the States and around the world, I would think that the US government and the police would have enough on their minds trying to catch terrorists and real threats to society instead of someone who has just escaped from a prison. I don’t see this guy as a huge threat, it’s not like he was a serial killer, he accidentally shot someone during a burglary which has happened lots of times before but he was much younger then. We’ve all done stuff we shouldn’t have in our past, stuff we regret and I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now. They should concentrate on more important things I think.

Anyway, I’m gonna go and get ready for my big weekend so watch this space for an update next week….

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Well I’ve hardly slept these past few nights but I’ve decided to go and meet this guy and see what happens. What’s the worst thing that can happen? He turns out to be a rapist? It’s pretty unlikely that this guy is like that, he seems pretty moral and upstanding; I haven’t told him about my previous boyfriend yet for that reason, we’ll see how things go first.

I emailed him and asked him about the room arrangements and he’s going to arrange for us to have joining rooms so if I want my privacy and space I can have it but if I want to sneak in and be with him then he’s close by too. He seems so thoughtful and kind. That really is the best of both worlds. I am very excited.

When I asked him what I should wear, he seemed a bit surprised that I would ask and said that he wouldn’t dream of telling me what I should wear. I feel a bit embarrassed that I asked him now but Bob always had an opinion about my appearance and how he wanted me to look and it seems natural that a man should have an opinion on how he wants a woman to look. Shows how long I’ve been out of the loop! Anyway, I’ve made the decision and I feel good about it (mostly) so we’ll wait and see.

I can’t believe summer is almost here and I’ve only kayaked a few times. I may try to do an overnight trip when it dries up a little more. I always feel so guilty leaving the pets alone too many times for that long. But I think I have to for my own sanity! I feel like I’m stagnating here and I need to do something although I do feel quite happy with my life and I feel like this weekend date is a real step forward for me. The weather is improving although the rain is still almost continuous but at least it’s warmer.

I put another link on my blog today for the onion, a ‘news’ site which is a cleverly written site where the news is almost believable and based on current events but it’s all lies and sarcasm. It’s a really funny site and I’ve started reading it every day, it’s at www.theonion.com.

Well, it’s time to go for my run I think, I didn’t go out yesterday so I’m gonna try and run twice as far today, we’ll see how that goes. I bought myself an mp3 player the other day but I still haven’t been able to download music onto it, it would be great if someone could email me and tell me how to do it! Thanks :-)