Title>Still Waters Run Deep

Monday, June 12, 2006

Well the weekend was a disaster. Well not entirely, but it ended up that way. It was going really well at first and I really began to think that this guy could be special. He was fairly good looking, although his eyes were not as piercing or intriguing as they first appeared. He had a reasonable body but a bit on the pudgy side, his hair was grayer than it was in the photograph too but all in all he looked pretty good for his age. We met up on Friday evening and had dinner then we went to the hotel where we had some drinks in the bar and we chatted about our lives in general. He was pretty easy to get along with, very charming and polite, very respectful and interested in me and my life.

I had too much to drink and we went to his hotel room where we ended up sleeping together!! It was nice but a little strange after so long. I stayed in there the whole night and we woke up late in the morning and ordered room service then just hung out for a while.

A bit later on we went for a long walk and had a late lunch in a small café and then went to the art gallery which was really nice, but I was feeling a bit foolish for giving in to him that soon after meeting him. None the less, there was a wonderful exhibition by Craig Sibley who is a sculptor and although I’m not a huge fan of his, it was nice to go to the gallery, which is beautiful, and take a look around.

Later we went for a really nice dinner and I decided that I liked this guy enough to open up about my past and about my history with Bob. I could tell that he was trying to be understanding and he really wanted to put a positive spin on things but I soon realized that he completely disapproved of my relationship. He was shocked that I could move away from my family and lose contact with them. It was pretty uncomfortable for a while but we changed the subject and then it was ok. But I knew at that point that I wouldn’t see him again.

Then I did something terrible, I slept with him again anyway. Partly because he was good (enough) in bed, and partly because I’ve been alone for so long and probably will be for a long time. Men do it all the time, why not me. I have to have sex when I can get it. I know that’s a terrible thing to think but I guess it was the same for him, we kinda used each other, knowing we weren’t going to see each other again. No harm done.

I left for home first thing on Sunday morning and we decided that we would be just friends. I’ll be surprised if I hear from him again actually because I could see on Saturday night that he had lost respect for me when I told him about Bob. Honestly though, I don’t really want to be friends with him under those circumstances.

Oh well, I took a chance and I didn’t get hurt because I didn’t have any expectations. The good thing was it did make me realize that I am ready for a new relationship of some kind. I want to take care of someone, and have someone take care of me! I want to feel needed and loved again! Maybe it will happen for me, I don’t know.

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